We're no strangers to relationship problems. Now, new research has found that being prone to feelings of guilt can make partnerships more challenging — and cause us to shy away from them.

我們對(duì)于關(guān)系問(wèn)題并不陌生?，F(xiàn)在新的調(diào)查發(fā)現(xiàn)感到羞愧會(huì)使伙伴關(guān)系更具挑戰(zhàn)性-導(dǎo)致我們害羞的遠(yuǎn)離他們。

The study, published in last month's issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, used a series of five experiments to examine how people's susceptibility to guilt affected the likelihood that they'd enter into a new partnership. Participants first completed a questionnaire about how guilty or ashamed they would feel in various situations — for example, would they keep extra change if a salesclerk didn't notice?

研究，出版于上個(gè)月的個(gè)性日志和社會(huì)心理的頭條，用了一系列的五次實(shí)驗(yàn)來(lái)檢驗(yàn)人們的感覺(jué)是怎樣的對(duì)于羞愧影響他們進(jìn)入一段新關(guān)系的可能性。參與者首先完成了一張調(diào)查問(wèn)卷關(guān)于他們會(huì)怎樣感覺(jué)羞愧或羞恥在不同的情景中---例如，他們會(huì)保持額外的改變嗎如果銷(xiāo)售員沒(méi)有注意？

Then, in each experiment, participants were given a task that required some expertise. For instance, a participant would be instructed to work on an accounting task with a partner who just so happened to be an expert in accounting. The first participant then got to decide whether they would be scored as a team or as individuals.

然后，在每次試驗(yàn)中，給予參與者的任務(wù)需要一些專長(zhǎng)。例如，參與，者會(huì)被指導(dǎo)從事一個(gè)算賬的任務(wù)和一個(gè)伙伴碰巧是算賬專家。第一個(gè)參與者會(huì)決定它們是作為團(tuán)隊(duì)還是個(gè)體計(jì)分。

The results showed that participants who were more prone to feeling guilty were less likely to form partnerships — meaning collaborate and combine scores — with people they perceived to be more competent. The authors suggest this might be because the guilt-prone people were concerned they would get more than they gave, thus letting their partners down. They preferred to do poorly on the task on their own, rather than potentially disappoint their partners.

結(jié)果表明參與者更易于感到羞愧的更不可能形成伙伴關(guān)系---意味著合作和獲得分?jǐn)?shù)---她們認(rèn)為更具競(jìng)爭(zhēng)性的人。作者認(rèn)為這可能是因?yàn)橐子谛呃⒌娜岁P(guān)心它們會(huì)得到什么而不是給予什么一次，因此使伙伴們沮喪。它們更喜歡自己做任務(wù)，而不是潛在的使伙伴失望。

Of course, this study looked at business partnerships, not romantic ones. But, other studies have shown that guilt and shame, which are clinically different concepts but often overlap, can play huge roles in both starting and maintaining dating-type relationships, too. Feeling guilty can be a good thing (it makes us more likely to apologize and smooth things over), but only when we've actually done something wrong. Guilt trips for no reason — or just feeling guilty all the time — can cause a buildup of resentment. The effects of shame are especially pronounced for those dealing with anxiety disorders.

當(dāng)然，這種研究看重商業(yè)伙伴關(guān)系而不是感性關(guān)系。但是其他研究表明羞愧和害羞，不同的概念經(jīng)常部分重疊，在開(kāi)始和維持日常類型的關(guān)系上也扮演重要的角色。感到害羞是一件好事（它使我們更易道歉，把事情解決），但是只有當(dāng)我們真正做錯(cuò)事的時(shí)候。無(wú)原因的害羞---或一直感到害羞--會(huì)導(dǎo)致憤恨的積壓。害羞的效應(yīng)尤其被那些處理焦慮混亂的人了解。

So, if you're prone to this "important" trait, learning to give yourself a break could be the secret to a happier relationship.
 

因此，如果你易于這種“重要的”特點(diǎn)，學(xué)會(huì)放松你自己會(huì)是快樂(lè)的關(guān)系的秘密。

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